Last modified on July 6th, 2020
When you hear the word romance, what comes to your mind, honestly? Is it the soft music, chocolates and roses, candlelight, or the longing looks? To increase romance then was damn easy. If you’ve been bitten by the love bug before, I bet you know how you felt during those euphoric moments.
However, after the initial bliss in a new loving relationship, we often realize that the romance has declined, if not vanished altogether.
Frankly, it appears that romance is much easier before committing to a relationship. Then it tends to get worse after marriage. The reasons why romance so easily becomes elusive might not be that farfetched.
After marriage, things like kids, the stress of work and pressure of finances kick in. Then again, there may be that erstwhile unnoticed annoying habit of your spouse. These and other things start eating away at the desire to be with your spouse.
Desire is a major component of what keeps the romance in a relationship alive. With such distractions, it can be very difficult for spouses to woo each other. This often results in women spending more time with the kids while the men hang out with their friends.
Thus, it’s vital to take time to explore possible ways to increase romance in your relationship. A vibrant romantic life makes for a strong and happy relationship.
Increasing Romance – A Two-Way Street
It’s also necessary to remember that romance is a two-way street. You co-create romance in your relationship. Thus, you and your partner need to commit to the course to increase romance in your relationship.
Yet, there are times it might be necessary for one of the partners to do the heavy lifting first. By setting the tone and showing your partner examples of what you want, they may come to understand where you’re going and follow you.
Being of the same mind in this regard will give you and your partner great motivation. This motivation is very crucial as you work to increase romance in your relationship.
Additionally, everyone can benefit if they increase romance in their relationship. As a result, it’s not just for those who want to avoid getting stuck in a loveless marriage.
So, no matter how content you might be in your relationship, attempting to increase romance with your partner can’t go wrong.
With that said, here are some tips to help you increase romance in your relationship and to meet your needs and those of your spouse.
1. Spend More Quality Time Together
Try to form a habit of scheduling time to share your love and life with your spouse every now and then. On such occasions, try a variety of activities that can bring pleasure to both of you.
For instance, try flirting with each other to ignite some sexual desires and create more intimacy. Such uninterrupted quality time together creates a sense of value for the relationship. Additionally, it opens up opportunities for further intimacies.
2. Create Surprises
Getting a pleasant surprise generally brings a smile to the face of the receiver. Gestures involving small surprises can make an erstwhile ordinary day become special.
One good way of surprising your spouse is by leaving “love notes” around the house. Good places would be on the fridge, on their pillow, in the shower, or in their pockets. You can also send some flowers or a card to them while they are at work.
Also, you can carry out some small acts of kindness that will surprise your spouse as a way to increase romance with your spouse. Think of doing a chore you know they don’t like that much or packing their lunch the night before.
Even when the surprises are small, they make your spouse realize that you’re thinking of them even while you’re apart. Your spouse will greatly appreciate such gestures… and might even reply in kind to increase romance with you.
3. Appreciate and Compliment Your Spouse
So cultivate a habit of complimenting your spouse at least once a day. Such words of affirmation, appreciation, and adoration adds value to both your partner and your relationship.
You can appreciate your spouse by simply saying “thank you” to them for doing some of the mundane tasks that keep the household functioning. Equally, nonverbal cues such as a kiss, a wink, or a smile can often do the work.
Also compliment your spouse on their choice of hair style, sense of humor, or their numerous acts of selflessness. So, make it a daily habit to look for a way to tell your spouse a big “thank you.” This definitely another good way to increase romance in your relationship.
4. Have Frequent Open Communication
Having about 30 minutes of daily conversation help couples to develop a deeper sense of connection, experts say. Such deep connections with your spouse makes it a lot easier to get through periods of conflicts.
I know you perhaps talk every day but this type of conversation should be a bit different. This conversation should be free of any form of interruptions and distractions. To be more effective, it is better done looking into each other’s eyes while conversing.
The focus should be on discussing your dreams together, and sharing your feelings. Talk about what you appreciate about each other as well as what you want from the relationship.
The importance of having such frequent open communication cannot be overemphasized. This is mostly because as humans, growth and change are inevitable. Thus, you need to regularly acquaint yourself of ways your spouse might have grown lately.
Also, have their previous opinions about life in general and your relationship changed? There’s always something new to discover about your spouse when you connect on such deeper levels.
Regularly conversing this way doesn’t only help you to see your spouse with depth and color, it also creates clarity for both of you.
Thus, while it helps to maintain overall happiness, it is also a great medium to increase romance in your relationship.
5. Be More Intimate
Touch is one of the most nurturing forces in the universe, experts say. You can offer to give your spouse a back or shoulder rub.
The way it works is that a warm touch seems to set off the release of the hormone, oxytocin. This hormone creates a sense of trust while also reducing levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Research suggests that touching generally conveys more affection than its absence.1 They found that having your arms around your spouse’s shoulder expresses more affection than an arm touch or arms around their waist.
However, face touching and hand holding were the most affectionate of touches. So, get in the habit of touching your spouse’s face more often. This can be an exceptionally affectionate way to increase romance in your relationship.
6. Make Sex a Priority
Sex is a special bond between couples that helps to maintain and strengthen a relationship. Keeping sex off for too long might weaken the connection between you and your spouse.
If you’re not the one who usually initiates sex, try to surprise your spouse by initiating sex more frequently. Also, even when you feel too tired for sex, just do it all the same. You might be surprised about where all that desire suddenly came from!
7. Display Some Affection in Public
One very effective way to increase romance in your relationship is to openly flirt with your partner in public.
Flirting openly in public with your partner lets them know that you trust them and are safe with them. Also, it lets your partner know you’re not ashamed of them as it announces to the world that you’re together.
While in the hallway, you can have your hand on the small of your spouse’s back or hold the door for them when making an entrance. Another powerful way of publicly showing affection for your spouse is by holding hands as you walk down the street.
8. Undertake a Challenge Together
For instance, taking a ballroom dance class together can help bring you closer while you learn to salsa or tango. Activities like dancing provides a great excuse for touching your partner which can help to increase romance with your spouse.
The idea is to engage in some out-of-the-ordinary activities that takes you out of your normal routines. Preparing together to participate in a marathon can be exhilarating. Also, you can try attending a cooking class – i.e. if you’re not yet a pro chef.
The goal is to learn new things together to help both of you feel more connected. Thus, they offer a great way of associating thrill and excitement with your spouse. Such activities let you discover new frontiers in your relationship. The connection created through them can help to easily pull one out of a relationship rut.
9. Go Out on More Exciting “First” Dates
Yes, you read that right! Avoid those dull dinner nights telling the same old stories and hoping to have some fun.
Think about how you felt on your first date. How was it like – the excitement and all the self-preparations that went into it? Well, why not make an effort to prepare for some of your new night outs the same way.
In a study, researchers told a group of participants to engage in self-presentation with their partner. After interacting with their romantic partners, this group felt much happier than participants who were not given this instruction.2
However, putting your best face forward in a long-term relationship may not be that spontaneous to adopt for many. Yet, engaging in it occasionally can be very romantically rewarding.
Apart from putting your best face forward, ditch your pleasant evenings at a French restaurant once in a while. Instead try some exciting and fresh dates that can bring back those feeling of “butterflies”.
You can try stuffs such as dancing, white water rafting, or perhaps go building a fort together. You need to put excitement back into your life to effectively increase romance in your relationship.
Studies have also shown that couples who undertake “exciting” date nights generally have significantly greater increase in marital satisfaction than those who go on “pleasant” date nights. 3
10. Give Each Other Some Space
To many, this might sound odd when talking about how to increase romance in your relationship. Yet, it’s a very effective strategy. Developing good self-love helps you bring more positivity into the relationship as a whole.
It is good that you love being together with your spouse. But giving each other some breathing space is also vital for the health of your relationship. This time apart helps to strengthen the connection you share with your spouse.
Allow your partner to explore the hobbies and interests that they love and gives them joy. Also, make sure you take time to explore your personal passions. For instance, you might take the time to have a “girl’s or boy’s night” or just hang out with your group of friends.
The essence is for both of you to have a life besides your relationship. This helps to prevent the relationship from unnecessarily being suffocated by both of you.
Thus, the time spent apart helps to promote a sense of independence, adds mystery into your life, and makes you to miss out on each other. This renewed desire for one another helps to increase romance in your relationship.
11. Exchange Gifts
While it might sound cliché, it’s important to habitually give your spouse material tokens of your love for them. Gifts are simply another way of telling your spouse that you’re always thinking of them.
Without doubt, the kid in us all still loves receiving gifts every once in a while. Rather than the cost of the gift, focus more on getting your spouse something that has a personal touch to it. They’ll appreciate it more as it shows that you know something about them.
The gift can be anything from a piece of jewelry or clothing to a hard cover edition of their best classic book. You might also want to get your spouse a special desert, or a box of their favorite chocolate. Simply let your imagination do the work!
Variety, they say, is the spice of life. So, while doing it in moderation, let it also be random in order to keep the anticipation high. The personal touch to the gift makes it more romantic than if it were a gift that is expensive but anonymous.
12. Have a Dream Weekend Getaway
Variety!!! Once in a while, try to be alone with your spouse in a different environment other than your immediate one. Pick a weekend to leave your house and head to that dream seaside inn you’ve always wanted to check out.
You can plan the getaway spontaneously or take time planning it together to build some anticipation towards it. But, always put your budget into consideration. If there are kids involved, plan on how to have them stay at your parents’ or a family friend’s place.
The weekend should be one of planned unending romance for both of you. Avoid any talk about work, the children, or anything that’ll distract from savoring the romance of the moment. Such weekends can be very revitalizing and can be a great way to increase romance in your relationship.
13. Accept Your Partner’s Shortcomings
Realize that neither you or your partner is perfect. We are all flawed in one way or the other. It is thus important to accept your spouse for who they are despite all their shortcomings.
Thus, avoid being resentful of your spouse or being bitter towards them. Both of these feelings are like “little foxes” that spoil the vine. Try to protect your relationship against them as much as possible.
According to several studies, trying to change people doesn’t work.4 Results from these studies suggest that attempting to change your spouse may do more harm than the intended good.
Also, Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute says 69 percent of a couple’s problems are perpetual. They don’t go away. Yet, couples keep arguing over the same things year after year. You cannot increase romance this way!
There are also new scientific evidence supporting this conflict resolution methodology. This new body of evidence claims that “how we support people during good times, more than bad times, affects the quality of a relationship.”5
Unless the issues are critical (like issues of infidelity, repeated occurrence of betrayal, violence or major financial discrepancies), try to let them be. Rather, focus on encouraging and praising your spouse for the good traits they have.
So, rather than whining about your spouse’s frequent lateness, appreciate them. Tell them how wonderfully they tend the garden or how sumptuous their meals are. This helps to greatly strengthen the bond between you and your spouse.
14. Never Stop Saying “I Love You”
Make it a habit of saying “I love you” to your spouse. It never grows old in the ears of your lover.
Actions are definitely vital when you want to increase romance in your relationship. However, verbal affirmation of the love you feel towards your spouse can never be out of place.
Habitually make verbal affirmation of your love by telling your spouse “I love you” or “You mean the world to me“. This can prove very effective like after a fight or when they’ve disappointed you.
Verbal expression of your undying love for your spouse makes them feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.