Is it best to be loved more in a relationship

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Often the saying goes that “it is better to be with someone who loves you more than someone you love”. Sounds so right at first consideration but really, why would anyone want to have someone love them more than they are willing to love in a relationship?

Most people definitely will find this very appealing as it makes one seem safe in the relationship. This reassuring feeling comes from feeling that if he/she loves you more, it will be difficult for them to hurt you after they are lucky to have you in their life.

  • While a lot of reasons can be adduced for why people would prefer to be in this kind of a relationship where they are the one giving the less love, this attitude will but ultimately bring more harm to the relationship than good. Love should be mutual, must be mutual for any relationship to survive in the long run.

    At the onset of your feeling happy with your being the one who loves less, you might feel comfortable with it and just be enjoying the feeling but as time goes by; guilt and fear will start to come in gradually. Retrospectively speaking, if you are not sure of your love for this person as you try not to love him/her in equally, then why are you in the relationship?

    Do you just want to feel safe while you toy with someone else’s emotions? What if the case was reversed, would you be happy knowing that your partner is not reciprocating your gesture of love and affection? At a certain point in every love relationship, it is either “you are in” or “you are out” – there is no fence. Either you are ready to give love or you are not. And if for whatsoever reason best known to you, you are not willing to reciprocate the love from your partner, then why in heaven’s name are you still in.

    If you are in a relationship just to get the love of your partner without returning same, how long do you think you can go on like that? Even within you, over time, there will gradually be a buildup of guilt and resentment towards your partner and eventually from him/her. No matter how long you try to hide it, your partner will ultimately come to the realization of the fact that your love for him/her is not mutual.

    Most loving partners in this situation will still want to go on hoping for a change but after a while a good number will not be able to continue just giving out love, when the one the love is being showered on is not doing anything tangible to return same. This often leads to a situation where they equally start questioning the rationale for their remaining in such a relationship against their better judgment.

    To think of it, why should the one who loves less not love fully and the person giving more love have his/her love requited. A good relationship is one in which both parties feel that they have made a great bargain – where their love and affection is being returned even when they are not asking for its requisition.

  • When the love in a relationship is being returned by the other partner, it gives the one giving the love more encouragement and reason to up the ante and love his/her partner the more. To love your partner more is definitely more alluring and beautiful than the feeling of you being needed and loved more by your partner.

    Love has to be both ways for it to be love – it is never a one-way-street. It is give and take. There is indeed joy in giving and “givers never lack”. So, let the love flow!

    Monday, April 25th, 2011 Dating & Romance