Is Love’s Bewildering Bewitchment Irresistible

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In today’s fast paced society, it is ironical to find that while the rate of people getting married is drastically falling (59 percent – down from 62 percent in 1990, 72 percent in 1970), the rate of divorce is instead on the rise (10 percent – up from 8 percent in 1990, 6 percent in 1980).

What could be the cause of this societal ill that is wrecking the very fabric of our family and communal existence? A simple truth would be that when the love that any union is founded upon gives way to distrust, arguments and constant bickering, the ultimately end is an inevitable breakup or divorce.

Why then does love so often give way to acrimony? One major point this article will like to look at and stress is the fact that most of these couples chose partners with whom they were not compatible. While this may not be the singular reason, it is one major reason for the increase in breakup and divorce rates.

  • If most couples today were to be asked how and why they decided to settle for the spouses, the answer likely to ring through the air will be – “we fell in love.”

    Scientists today have started identifying the changes that really takes place when people newly “fall in love”. Excitatory neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine causes neural regions of the brain to trip emotional switches leaving us under the influence of these bewildering muddles of feelings. Interestingly, one of the chemicals which cause this euphoria has also been linked with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

    Love is an alluring impulse, difficult to question and tough to resist when we all of a sudden find ourselves in its grasp, mesmerized by a particular individual. It’s nearly irresistible allure is the chief reason so many have succumbed and found themselves in wrong relationships.

    The aura of being in love has left us an undeniable trail of evidence that it cannot be fully trusted to culminate in a happy ever after. Most times, this feeling is nothing more than one living in a fool’s paradise as countless are the souls who relied on this magical impulse who have but only gotten themselves burnt.

  • A lasting kind of love does not have a chance of survival when we relegate the issue of real compatibility to the background during this euphoria. Would it therefore be right to suggest that love is a threat to true happiness and an enemy of compatibility? And is it really possible to resist an impulse as strong as the idea of being in love?

    The state of being in love is indeed very inexplicable and powerful yet dangerous. The eccentric combination of desire, adoration, jealousy, emotions, and irrationality creates such bewilderment that makes this euphoria so powerful in compelling us to join our fate to another.

    Frankly speaking, love’s intentions are noble, right and natural – uniting us with our soul mate. Nature stirs up all these emotions in us creating the feeling that this individual might well be the one – our lover and our best friend. However, it takes on a dangerous tendency when it is easily aroused by an unsuitable person and can therefore do so much damage in one’s life.

    What often goes wrong is that the heart moves too quickly in coming to a decision before it has enough information to process about the new individual. It gathers a few promising facts and draws a conclusion. This decision might be wholly worthwhile and made in good faith but rarely gets the right target.

    However, this feeling of being in love can be resisted. Despite the fact that it has the potential of getting a strong hold on our emotions; we still have the capacity to regain control of our senses and thereby our emotions. An individual under infatuation can still come to his/her senses and decide that the object of adulation isn’t the person they want to be with it.

    We are able to do this because in every situation we find ourselves in life, according to Stephen R. Covey in his book, “First Things First”:

    “Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
    In that space is our power to choose our response.
    In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

    This failure to be true to ourselves and learning to resist this feeling or euphoria is how most unhealthy relationships begin. We so often allow ourselves to become delusional. Despite the fact that being in a state of delusion might appear to be working for a while, it is sure to crash when tested by the pressure of day-to-day life together. Love is indeed inescapable, non-cultural and instinctive, but it is nonetheless still subject to our control as long we do not allow it to override our sense of reason.

    Love seeks compatibility. Therefore, when you meet someone attractive who arouses your interest, let yourself enjoy the sensations and thrills of the experience. Is it romantic and sexy, relish it. At the same time, you must be making every effort to get to know who this person really is in all aspects. Explore their world and discover if there are appealing traits they possess that match the traits of your preferred love partner.

  • Lasting and successful mutual relationships demand that both partners discover some degree of compatibility in each other’s personality, sexual interests, emotional composition, life aspirations and agenda, culture, religion, and individual ideals and values. To what degree do you complement each other? Meanwhile, firmly and gently hold a piece of your heart back as you fight the urge to fully throw it all in too soon.

    Only when you are able to come to that point when your brain can truly tell your heart that you are “compatible” do you throw your heart completely into it. You need to hold yourself back until you get to this point. Open your heart as you learn and establish the fact that there is real compatibility – the foundation that you can build on together.

    In conclusion, love should be the bonding of the rational (friendship) and the non-rational (sex) without being irrational in the process. While it may be exciting to fall for somebody you hardly know anything about and seem thrilling on a sexual level; it is however far more exciting falling in love with the one you truly love.

    Thursday, April 21st, 2011 Dating & Romance