Last modified on May 22nd, 2020
Two little words. One big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere, is holding the key to your heart and to your dream house. All you have to do is to find them. So where is this person? And if you love someone and it didn’t work out, does that mean they weren’t your soul mate? – Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) from “Sex and the City”.Soul mates! Do you believe soul mates exist? If your answer is yes, how then can you tell a person is your soul mate when you meet them? Can you put your life on hold till you finally meet “soul mate”? Or are there many potential soul mates for each of us?There are varied answers and opinion on this issue and they can get easily complicated if one intends to pursue these arguments philosophically.Some 2,500 years ago, Plato also described this soul mate idea when he wrote:
“Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then the gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone into two. Each half then had two legs and one head. But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited. Because they each shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.….and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment…”For the purpose of this article, we shall take the Wikipedia definition of “soul mate” as the base definition:
“soulmate (soul mate) as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.”A lot of the definitions about soul mate vary to the extreme but the core definition of Wikipedia holds at the center of all of them – the issue of harmonious compatibility.Some are of the opinion that soul mates are just two people in love who are equally compatible in values. Others are inclined to believe that there is only one soul mate for them and whom they are predestined to be within their lifetime until death.Still, some hold the belief that there exist past life connections with their soul mates and that they are meant to be together across time and space as reincarnated soul mates. Nonetheless, while others believe that there is no such thing as soul mates, there are those who believe that they have more than one soul mate.The divergent views expressed in most of these definitions seem to be more about whether or not there is “ONLY ONE” soul mate for everyone one the face of the earth. I do not subscribe to the idea that there is just “one”. Hereunder are some of the reasons why I feel that way and hope they come across to you.In my candid opinion and not wanting to sound sarcastic in any way, it kind of sounds scary to posit that in this life, one can only be truly happy and fulfilled being with just “one” individual who could be anywhere on this planet of 6 Billion people. I don’t know about you but that to me it is sure scary!If the concept of one soul mate for everyone was true, what then are the possibilities of your meeting that soul mate in your lifetime. What would be his/her ethnicity, nationality and religious inclination?While the idea of each of us having an ideal soul mate might seem reassuring, it is also pitiful as it could deprive one of the opportunities of discovering many potential suitable partners. This fixation of the mind on just “one” soul mate will make you to miss living your life while you wait for the arrival of the “one”. You could equally just be placing too much pressure on your existing relationship and which could lead to its failure.When such soul mates finally get married, this concept may create the expectation that everything with the relationship should always be smooth because of their being in harmony with each other. Marrying your soul mate does not in any way guarantee a happy ever after – marriage takes work to succeed. Soul mate or no soul mate!Equally, what would be the fate of those happily married couples who unfortunately lost their beloved significant other? Does that mean the end of love and fulfillment for them? However, in reality, we’ve noticed many couples in this situation who eventually found another partner with whom their lives once again became heaven-on-earth.There are several examples of those who had thought they had found their “soul mate” and declared that they “couldn’t live without them” only to have things fall apart before long. During these failed relationships, most simply insist that the ex wasn’t their soul mate and just move on to the next possible soul mate.As an addendum to the above, I believe majority of us would relate to the fact that we had been in relationships where we believed we had met our soul mates only for an avoidable or irreconcilable break up to occur. We were heartbroken, believing love was over for us only to discover a new soul mate down the lane.Does this mean that these were never soul mates? Life is replete with such examples. Therefore, “one” soul mate per individual to me is simply a mythology as Plato’s quote above suggests.Conversely, I do believe in soul mates but that there are probably many potential soul mate for each of us. What could be so unique about you or me, or what qualities could we be looking for in a partner (eve an “ideal partner”) that we cannot find in more than one person in our lifetime.I think it is a more reassuring feeling knowing that there is a soul mate for everyone. In fact there are probably many potential soul mates for each of us.In a nutshell, yes, I do believe in soul mates and a capital NO, I do not believe that there is only “one” soul mate to a person.