Last modified on September 10th, 2020
Dating provides singles an opportunity to get to know their potential partners. Understanding and effectively engaging in the dating process allows you to make better informed decision. This becomes very important when it comes to the issue of settling down with a potential partner. However, dating can be a very tricky game if not done rightly and carefully.
If you don’t take the time as a lady to assess certain traits your guy may be exhibiting, you run the risk of making a wrong decision. Marriage is a long-term relationship and therefore you need to be cautious in deciding the type of guy you settle for.
So, it is important to watch out for the traits your guy is exhibiting. You need to avoid pushing aside some observed repeated bad traits from your guy. This is important because you will have to deal with these traits on a daily basis if you end up marrying him.
The simple truth is that not every man is a marriage material! Your goal should be to find a guy who you can count on in good times and in bad. He should be someone who will always “have you back” no matter what happens.
While nobody is perfect, there are things that you can live with and still be a happy couple. However, there are certain traits that can only end up causing your relationship a lot of problems down the road.
You Cannot Change Anyone
The most important thing to understand in this post is that you CANNOT change any man. Don’t go believing that with time you will be able to make him change by showing him a better way to live.
Simply forget about changing your guy – it never works! It is best to go for what is possible than be wishing for the impossible. So, it’s best to avoid getting involved with say, a maniac, and save your own self.
However, it’s usually difficult to notice bad signs early in a relationship. Most people, including yourself, generally put their best foot first and are always at their best behavior.
This is why it’s often suggested that you need to date a guy for at least six months. This should be the minimum dating period before you make any serious commitment decision such as engagement or marriage.
Given the above, it is important to avoid dating, not to talk of intending to marry, a guy that has the following traits.
1. The Financially Unstable Dude
Before you decide to get serious with any guy, it is important to look at how they currently handle their finances. This is very critical as finance is the number cause of disagreements in marriages.
Is he often out of work? Or does he simply hate working? Does he purchase a lot of personal “toys” and frivolous things without regard for the consequences? Is he in the habit of asking you to pay the bill when you go out to a movie, a concert, or when you dine out?
This is not about you marrying a rich guy but more about marrying a guy who can handle financial responsibilities properly. You need to marry a guy who is financially responsible and who can save without being miserly. In essence, you’re better off and smarter marrying a guy who is financially stable.
2. The Mummy’s Boy
While a guy who loves his mother is pretty adorable, you don’t however want to marry a guy who is still hung up on and worships his mother. Well, except if you’re ready to stand the constant comparisons of you to his mom and the “my mom doesn’t do it like that.” Marrying such a guy equates to you marrying their mom as well.
For most of such guys, their mothers still control a large chunk of their lives. They’re used to consulting their mom for opinions about most things in their lives including their career decisions and love life. Such a mommy’s boy is used to being taken care of and have come to expect it not only from his mother but from other females in his lives.
3. Sad and Pessimistic Guy
Some guys are simply just unhappy about almost everything around them. They find it hard seeing the goodness in life and have this kind of a negative atmosphere around them. Such guys always find something to complain about while also in the habit of always blaming other people. For the most part, such guys see the glass as always half empty.
4. Manipulative Man
There are guys who are just naturally manipulative. They are in the habit of manipulating other people’s actions, feelings and behaviors to their advantage. When a guy has such manipulative tendencies and uses them on you while dating, you’ve got all the reasons you need to avoid him.
Such a guy is always protective of his opinions and will generally want to manipulate you in that particular direction. Always pulling your strings in such a way in a long-term relationship, such as marriage, is a sure way to an unhappy life.
5. Mr. Abusive
Abuses come in various forms and is basically about forcing someone to do anything that is against their wish. Guys that are abusive can hardly control their anger and frustrations and are always temperamentally close to the point of abuse. So, why would you want to be in a long-term relationship with that type of a guy?
Be it psychological, physical, emotional, verbal, or even economical abuse, you are better off without such a guy in your life talk less of in a marriage. No woman, including you, should have to put up with an abusive man. You definitely deserve better!
6. The Work Obsessed Guy
It’s great for a guy to be ambitious, industrious, and successful in life. However, it’s something else for him to have his life tied to his job or how much money he makes.
Thus, it’s a big problem when a guy makes his career and work his overriding goal in life. This is because the desire to reach the top often makes him emotionally unavailable until he has achieved such goals.
So, while you might have the financial security he provides, you might wind up physically and emotionally frustrated. This is mostly due to the absence of his emotional presence in the relationship.
Also, such a guy will hardly make you or the relationship a priority in his life. Seldom will they be the ones to initiate relationship discussions, plans for the relationship’s future or such related things.
7. A Narcissistic Man
Such guys have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep sense for admiration. Essentially, they believe they are superior to others, fail to see their weaknesses, and usually have little or no regard for other people’s feelings.
Everything in a narcissist’s life is about him and only him. His condition is further aggravated by his often unstable emotions. A narcissist is generally ready to use any form of manipulation to achieve whatever he wants. He’s false impression of himself often makes him to project himself on others.
Even their showering you with compliments and gifts is all targeted at simply getting you to appreciate them. A narcissistic guy lacks any sense of empathy for other people. As a result, he’ll hardly be able to tend to your emotional or physical needs as you want. It’s all about him and thus, it’s best to walk away from such a guy.
8. The Stingy and Selfish Dude
Some men often think the world revolves around them. Such men are often very stingy and selfish even when they have more than enough material possessions.
The marriage union is about two people sharing their lives together in every conceivable way. A man who simply wants the best for himself without taking even the close people in his life into consideration is a bad choice. Living with this kind of a man for the rest of your life is something you need to avoid at all cost.
9. The Player
Players will for the most part stick around you as long as you remain the most fascinating person they know. Such men are hardly ever satisfied and are always on the lookout for the next new thrill to go after.
His general attitude toward the relationship often leaves you second-guessing yourself. You’re largely confused as you hardly make plans or talk about the future of the relationship together.
With such a guy, the sex can often be great but he also has a high tendency to be flirty with other ladies. This seriously increases the likelihood of him hunting for other ladies and cheating on you when he is bored with you.
10. The Control Freak
This kind of guy always wants to dictate everything going on in the relationship. He always wants to control – always. It’s like he wants you to have no idea about life, have no say in it, but for you to agree to whatever he says.
Does he always want you to wear what he wants, hang around with his own friends, and always see the movies he likes most? Is he also in the habit of wanting to check your mobile phone to see what you’re up to?
Over time, such controlling tendencies can often become intimidating and even abusive both emotionally and physically. You don’t only need to be wary of such a guy but be finding your way out of such a one-sided relationship.
11. The Cheat
If you aren’t yet married and he is already cheating on you time and time again, what more are you expecting when you finally get married? That he would suddenly change because he’s married the best thing in the world? You need to quickly wake up from such a fanciful daydream.
Anecdotally, the reverse is generally the case as such men only get better in the cheating game. Though sounding very cliché, the saying that a cheater will always be a cheater is often true for a lot of cheating guys. Simply put, a cheater hardly changes and you’re better off alone than with such a guy.
12. The Commitment Phobic Guy
Does your guy have issues committing to anything? A guy who has commitment issues never really expects a relationship to evolve past the casual dating stage. He can often be shy talking about things like feelings and doesn’t want a lady to get to know the real him.
When a guy has such commitment issues, it really makes no sense trying to get him to commit to a marriage. That would simply be a bad idea if you really desire a long-term loving relationship.
13. A Dishonest Guy
Successful long-term relationships largely survive because of the trust shared between couples. Without the element of trust between you and your partner, you’ll not only feel insecure but your relationship stands practically no chance of surviving.
While there are different degrees of lies, there are those that can be very detrimental to a relationship. If your guy is displaying tendencies of dishonesty and a lack of integrity, you might need to start re-evaluating your relationship. You need to avoid and even cut off from such a guy in your life as you don’t deserve to be heartbroken.
14. The Gutless Pushover
You also deserve a guy who can pull his own weight at any time and not someone who cannot take hard decisions when necessary. It might seem cool that he always allows you to do whatever you want without complaining. However, behind such behaviors are often serious underlying personality issues than meets the eye.
Equally, a lady needs a guy who is not only willing and able to protect her but who is also ready to stand up for her against the whole world. You certainly don’t want a gutless guy who cannot stick up for you even when it has to do with his family.
The type of guy you deserve is one who can make responsible relationship decisions. He should also be one who has the guts to support you even in the worst of situations.
If these tell-tale behaviors exist in the life of your guy, you might seriously want to re-evaluate the future of your relationship with this guy. In general, the presence of one or more of these traits spells disaster for the happiness of your relationship.
The reason for this is the fact that most of these traits are persistent characteristics. They often define a person and they virtually never change. Once again, you need to remember that you cannot change anyone other than yourself – and this includes your guy.
However, you need to realize that there are still a lot of good men outside there. There are still guys who will treat you the way a real woman needs to be treated. These are the kind of guys you need to be reaching out for.
Never rush into making any long-term decision with your guy until after at least six months into the relationship. You need to give your relationship the time it needs to develop into a strong friendship.
This period gives you plenty of time to found out if any of these traits exist in your guy. This could save you from a life of unhappiness, danger, and distress.