Last modified on May 23rd, 2020
It is a natural response to being unfamiliar with the rules for social interaction by not being sure of how you’re supposed to act, so you end up being quiet, feeling awkward, and generally being highly conscious of being out of depth.
The major problem with being shy is the fact that it virtually makes you to be too focused on yourself often to the total neglect of others around you as you are always prone to be thinking about just yourself – how am I looking? Does he or she like me or not?
Being shy creates the impression that you are not friendly, timid, insensitive, distrustful and uninteresting to be with. It kind of creates a sense of inferiority complex which in turn will affect your ability to succeed in many other areas of life apart from just relationships.
There is a lot shy people miss out of in life just because of being in their “little corner” of the world which of course they have helped themselves knowingly or unknowingly in getting holed-in. This may further lead to total reclusion. In this state, dating or building relationship bonds can only be a nightmare.
Shyness can therefore keep one from the three fundamentals of successful dating which are 1) getting out there, 2) taking chances, and 3) enjoying life. These are basically the fundamentals to successful dating, so it’s absolutely important getting rid of that shyness and start living life again.
Fortunately, shyness is one those traits or habits that most people grow out of as they grow older and develop confidence by their daily interact with more people. This is true because almost everyone is shy at a certain point in their life, most especially when young.
To overcome shyness, below are a few tips that are sure to help any shy individual get over this problem.
- Learning to trust yourself can help you overcome distrustful shyness. Getting to know your individuality, valuing, cherishing, admiring, and respecting who you are as an individual, is a great starter in freeing yourself from distrustful shyness. If there is no trust or value for yourself as an individual, there is no way you can start trusting others. Self confidence and trust in yourself will help you in forgetting about yourself as your trust in yourself grows thus the feeling of self consciousness will gradually erode while you start developing consideration and care for others unconsciously.
- The fear of rejection is arguably the biggest problem in starting a new relationship with someone to whom you are attracted. There is the fear that you will be rejected, that you won’t know what to say, and that you won’t know how to act. This is truer for the men and to a lesser degree for the women.
Fear and anxiety will produce distinct psychological consequences, and if there is anything that is going to hinder your success in dating, it is nothing but fear.
To overcome this problem, approach the individual with the sole purpose of picking them up as your friend or your brother/sister. Once your ego is out of the way, you’ll be able approach the issue from a completely different perspective and with greater chances of success.
Always try and remember that no matter how many people are not interested in you, that there are many more people who would be delighted to have the pleasure of your company.
Rejection is just a risk you will have to take and learning to not take it personal, accepting it as a part of the process of dating, would help heal any wounds that rejection might cause. Acceptance feels great, and you’ll never experience it if you don’t take a chance on that individual.
- Shy people always fear that they are being evaluated negatively. They think that they are always being watched, being sized and constantly under scrutiny by others while in reality they are the ones doing this to others.
It is advisable to stop judging and sizing up others and stop the thinking that others are always doing this to you. This attitude breeds insecurity and self-centeredness as you are always worrying about how other see YOU, feel about YOU and how they judge YOU. It is all about YOU.
Try and put yourself for once in other people’s position and realize that most people are shy and are usually waiting for someone to make the first move. This realization can help you once you understand that are not alone in your plight for acceptability with others.
- Practice smiling and making eye contact first with those strangers who don’t intimidate you, then with people who intimidate you to varying degrees and then finally those you are attracted to. You can start by smiling to at least 3-5 people in a day and then grow the list.
- Start making positive but candid compliments about people with the sole aim of making them feel good about themselves. It might be difficult for a start but once this can be kept up with, the benefits in developing your confidence while conversing with others will be immense.
- Move around a busy public place and try opening up lines of communication with strangers who don’t intimidate you and get used to being around people. Join activity groups or may be take a class, go to church more regular, go to a hobby club, the gym or exercise classes, attend parties of friends and colleagues, where you’d have the opportunity of talking to people. Open up to people in these groups and by all means try and socialize.
- A very big pothole to avoid when trying to overcome shyness with regard to the opposite sex is to avoid the “seeking a mate” mentality. Try and talk to the person as though you were both of the same sex and be completely uninterested romantically for a starter. People easy sense this “mate seeking tendency” and it can be a very big turnoff as it makes you seem desperate, needy and clingy and these are obvious traits most people avoid getting involved with.
