Last modified on September 11th, 2020
Foreplay largely involves a range of erotic physical stimulation. For the most part, foreplay usually takes place prior to “real” sex or sexual intercourse. In men it stimulates erection while in women it aids lubrication. Foreplay generally involve behaviors that are sexually pleasurable.
These behaviors often involves the use of the tongue, fingers, hair, breast or a sex toy to give and receive an all-over body sensory experience. This can be through scrumptious kissing, fondling, licking, nibbling, and sucking.
However, most sex experts today believe that behaviors commonly termed to be foreplay are pleasurable sexual activities in their own right. The idea is that people should stop looking at such sexual behaviors as only preliminary to other activities.
Most find this objectionable as it implies that everything else is but a warm-up for intercourse, its fixed end point. Suggestions such as “loveplay,” “outercourse,” and “noncoital sex play” are better terms. These terms include everything, take pressure off both partners, and doesn’t seem quite so desperately goal-oriented.
When it comes to foreplay, sexual pleasuring, such as oral and manual stimulation should be considered as self-contained features of a dynamic, ever-evolving sexual menu, of which intercourse is but one. There’s therefore need for a deviation from the norm that sex is just about achieving an orgasm – the peak sexual experience. People need to start considering consider sex rather as “the whole.” An incredibly intimate sexual journey that partners embark to reach their ultimate pleasure.
The pleasure lies in the experience of the whole journey and not just the final destination itself. Thus, none of the activities on this journey are hierarchically superior to the other.
There’s therefore a need to look at foreplay as part of a broader sexual interaction. People should rather see it as an essential component that stimulates and prepares the body and mind as well as the emotions. Thus, as an art, it’s mastery helps in the movement through the phases of the sexual response cycle in preparation for orgasm.
Therefore, your partner getting you into an erotically pleasurable mood should not necessarily mean the experience has to end in sexual gratification. Foreplay therefore, need not be about sex but about infusing a relationship with a sense of love and intimacy.
Male and Female Arousal
Traditionally, foreplay has been considered something a man has to do for a woman to get her as ready for sex as he presumably always is. This is so because it is a lot more easier for men to get to state a sexual arousal than women in general. Women often need a little more time and more physical stimulation to become sexually aroused.
While some men can become aroused and get an erection in just a few minutes, women can take up to 30 minutes to reach their arousal peak.
Technically speaking, while arousal might be considered instinctive for both men and women, women’s sexual responses are not necessarily innately slower than men’s but that women require more foreplay because it’s harder for them to reach orgasm through ordinary intercourse. It is however unfortunate that most men do not realize this fact – that women need some extra time, emotions, and erotic stimulation to reach a state of arousal where they can achieve an orgasm.
What the Science Says
Researchers carried out a study with 709 sexually experienced adult female nurses. The nurses ranked the importance of 15 different things that interfered with their ability to reach orgasm. These included things such as fatigue, stress, and lack of tenderness.
From the results, foreplay ranked highest, outranking all others by a good margin. To the women, their men overly focus on the goal (intercourse) and basically hurry through it all. Men, according to them, don’t slow down and take enough time to linger. They spend less time to be playful, to explore, and to help their partners achieve sexual satisfaction.
Concerning the duration of foreplay, women in the study wanted their partners to indulge in foreplay for an average of about 17 minutes. Meanwhile, there was a re-examination on the research by Dr. Alfred Kinsey. The Kinsey Group’s data revealed that only 7.7 percent of the women whose partners spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay failed to reach orgasm.
Tips for absolute foreplay pleasure
As with self-pleasuring, most people probably have ways of pleasuring their partners. Though most women have the same general erogenous zones, each woman, of course, has different sensitivities at different times.
However when it comes to actually getting physical, men and women often make similar mistakes. As observed by Masters and Johnson, during foreplay, both men and women tend to do things they think would turn their partners on.
The fact is that the key to achieving pleasurable foreplay is to communicate with each other. There needs to be a regular expression of each other’s expectations and likes. It doesn’t necessarily have to be verbal. However, it’s important to let your partner know, in one way or the other, what feels good and what doesn’t.
It Starts in the Brain
As Masters and Johnson puts it – “Always remember that good sex begins while your clothes are still on“, it starts in the brain. The mind indeed can also be an erogenous zone. “Getting in the mood” is not just the few moments before sex; it can go on for hours, or even days beforehand. Foreplay, too, begins before you touch one another. During and after lovemaking it’s important to stay present with your partner. Realize that you’re trying to experience a more profound state of being together, not just a momentary climax.
Pay Attention to Romantic Details
Set the stage for love in little ways. Ensure that the room is warm enough, the lighting is right, and so forth. The setting you create – candles, soothing music, and romantic, loving words – will help harmonize your energies.
The essence of foreplay is slowness. Anticipation and growing intensity are important in bringing a woman’s desire to the peak of her arousal. Passionate kissing can be a good starting point. Begin by kissing and caressing each other’s bodies, but not the genitals. Massage, caress, and kiss her hands, wrists and toes moving gradually towards to her thigh, and abdomen. Then, go for the outer breast before reaching for the nipples.
Do some Exploration
Women too often go straight for the penis. Also, a lot of men are complain that women don’t grab the penis firmly enough treating it gingerly. However, some men cannot tolerate too much stimulation of their penis. Just like women, many men have sensitive nipples, scrotums, and perineum. These are alternative areas of the body where women can spend more time on.
Experiment with Varied Touch
Touch is a key element of foreplay. This is because the surface of the body has many nerve endings that transmit pleasurable sensations to the brain. It can also be inferred that the skin is the largest sex organ. As an organ, it is what transmits all the forms of pleasure during the art of foreplay.
However, some parts of the body, particularly the clitoris, penis, nipples, and fingertips have more densely packed nerve endings. Others include the palms, lips, tongues, and soles of the feet. These sites are the erogenous zones of the body – the most sensitive parts of both males and females bodies. These are important areas of exploration during foreplay.
Experiment with Different Rhythms
Tease him or her by arousing your partner, then backing off. There is increased anticipation when your partner never knows whether you will continue stroking or if you’re going to stop and change pattern. Variety is the spice of life and equally the spice of good foreplay. If you’ve been loving, slow, and soft, you might want to get a little more forceful, aggressive and a little more dominant, to liven things up just a little bit.
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