Last modified on May 18th, 2020
The first thing to obviously come to one’s mind after a breakup is how to get him/her back. This is so much the case because a lot of people after a breakup hardly take the time out to go over the failed relationship to see what were the causes that lead to them breaking up with their ex.
This is a sad situation because without this proper evaluation of what led to the failure of the relationship, we are bound to keep going round in circles attracting the same kind of people or situation into our lives. A negative bonding pattern can easily arise from this situation is the problem at the heart of the breakup is not nipped in the bud.
Should you really go back to your ex or have he/she come back into your life? The answers depend only on how much you are willing to assess the breakup and how sincere you really want to be about the relationship in general.
Was the relationship a fulfilling one in all aspects or you were just hanging around because you did not want to be alone? Were you fulfilled personally? Were you happy and were your needs, mostly the emotional ones, being met by your now erstwhile spouse? These questions can keep going on and on, but the basic thing here is, was the relationship really worth it and worth you going back to?
I tow this line of argument because apparently everybody just concludes that the first thing to do after a breakup is attempting to get your ex back without really following what most plans about getting your ex back outline. The first general point in most plans on how to get your ex back is to evaluate and assess the reasons behind the failed relationship but I want to believe that this is mostly glossed over by those passing through this transiently depressing phase in their life.
Do you attempt to get your ex back or do you move on? What are the factors to consider in coming to the right conclusion after a breakup? Let us try and see some points you should consider when making this decision.
First, let us consider if our ex really deserves a second chance with us. This in fact is the most important point to consider when deciding on whether to move on or try to get an ex back and why it is so important to evaluate the causes for the breakup as it will ultimately unravel the very reasons the breakup occurred.
How was your relationship before the breakup? Was it an abusive relationship? Did your ex leave you for somebody else or was it because of infidelity issues? Were there always cases of incessant brawling and quarreling? Was your ex the deceitful, cheating and conniving kind? What did they bring out most in you as an individual?
If from the deepest recess of your heart you can truly come up with real and unbiased answers to most of these and others your heart will be throwing your way as you thoroughly thrash out the reasons for the breakup, you will definitely be able to decide on what to do next after the breakup.
If the negative vibes from most of these issues that may relate to your breakup are so strong that they outweigh any meaningful gain you thought you were deriving from the relationship, then you would rather want to consider moving on to greener pastures.
Secondly there is the strong point to consider, which is YOU and your role in the breakup. Why do you want your ex back? Were you the cause of the breakup and do the earlier points above reflect who you were and the parts you played in the breakup?
How secured are you about yourself and the reasons why you probably want your ex back? A lot of personal issues in your life need to be thrashed out before you can start thinking of winning back your ex back or deciding to move on.
You need to truly consider the reasons why you want to get back together with your ex and you need to ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you feel that getting your ex back will help ease the pain you are feeling and make you feel better by making them feel guilty for breaking up with you, demanding an apology, or exonerating yourself?
- Are you finding it difficult to bear the loneliness and think your ex is the shortest route to filling the void?
- Are there personal inhibiting factors that lead to the breakup you are shying away from correcting and are thus complacent about moving forward believing your ex understands you better than anyone else? Are you afraid of change?
- Do you want him/her back because they are simply out of your reach and you are compulsively feeling you want them back because you cannot have them?
Lastly, it is also important to ask yourself why you may want to think that things will be different if you got back to your ex. Are there enough strong incontrovertible evidences that point you in the direction that there are possibilities of the relationship changing for the better if you do get back together with your ex?
It helps to realise that time alone does not heal all wounds and solve all problems. We have to be practical and avoid getting back into a relationship that is bound to break up again down the road because of past issues that have not been understood and resolved before getting back together.
And in closing, depending on how long the breakup has been, do you feel your ex is still available? If they left because of another significant other they found, it might be dicey to evaluate as only time can reveal the true state of any relationship. However, if they are happy in their new relationship, then it is time you move on and find that happiness you deserve that might be down the corner waiting for you.
