Last modified on June 25th, 2020
Men and women generally want the same ultimate goal in a relationship which is to find true happiness and fulfillment. However, for aeon, a lot of women have always had problems understanding what men want in a relationship.
This has been the bane of countless relationships and why it persists is still a mystery.
Probably what is mostly perpetuating this tendency is that instead of learning about the differences about how men and women reason, most of it is based on chance or assumptions.
It can be frustrating for a lady when she tries everything she believes her man wants from her but feels she isn’t making any headway with her efforts.
The same scenario applies to men themselves as regards what they think their ladies want from them.
Biologically, it is apparent that men and women think differently by design regarding what their partner wants from them in order to have a wonderful, warm, and loving relationship.
What Men Want…
On a general note, one of the most important thing that men want in a relationship is sex. However, besides the sex and their emotional needs, there are other things that are also important to men in a relationship.
Additionally, it seems that most men can’t just communicate their needs to their partners a lot of the time. Whether it is a social conditioning or a personal inability to communicate effectively remains a dilemma.
On a whole, men tend to communicate less than their partners in an intimate relationship.
This often creates a situation in which they fail to express their feelings and what it is they really want from their partners. As a result, they suffer in silence with their feelings bottled up within themselves.
Finding out what men want in a relationship is the best way for women to get them to fall in love with them and desire them on a deeper level.
Here are some of the things “most” men want from their partners in a long term relationship. Understanding and making these work for you will guarantee you always have a first place in his world.
1. Men Want Trust
This is a very important component of any successful relationship. The truth is that you cannot build trust overnight. It generally takes a lot of time to build in a relationship.
Trust develops from the small moments couples experience together in a relationship. This entails always being honest with each other, having frequent open-ended communication, and fighting fair at all times.
What men want is for their ladies to show a reciprocal trust in them. Thus, a real man naturally wants to feel that he is the only one in his woman’s life just like he holds her in his life.
He wants to feel that his woman sees him as someone who is dependable, committed to her, and who will always be there for her when needed. By the same measure, a man wants his lady to keep her promises and always be herself for him.
2. Men Want Mutual Respect
They say respect is reciprocal. There is nowhere better to practice respect than in a long term relationship. As for men, this is a very important issue as they generally believe that love and respect go hand-in-hand.
What men want is to be treated specially, honored, and revered by the women in their lives. Such respect makes them feel happy and helps to increase their self-esteem.
One way a lady can easily disrespect her man is by comparing him to other guys who might be smarter, better looking, wealthier, stronger etc.
Likewise, a lady shows her man great disrespect when she often tells third parties about her man’s failures and misunderstandings they have between them. This makes him lose face and undermines him.
Men like being listened to when they’re talking and hate when they are frequently interrupted. A lady who is always being overly critical of her man often makes him feel disrespected.
Also, a man wants a woman who will respect his choices in life even when they might not altogether settle down well with her. Always disapproving of a man’s choices about things he considers integral to who he is as a person can be quite disrespectful to him.
Thus, what men want is a woman who is able to defer to him rather than talking him down whenever she might not agree with his decisions. Essentially, what men want in all honesty is for women to love and hold them in high esteem.
3. Men Want Some Space
This is an important issue when it comes to developing an intimate relationship. According to Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t UNDERSTAND – Women and Men in Conversation, women seek interdependence and connection with their partners during their free time.
Then again, she says that what men want is to have a sense of freedom and independence by wanting more time apart for themselves. Unfortunately, these differences can easily cause a clash of wills even in intimate relationships.
Essentially, what men want is to have a breathing space from time to time. They need this time to engage in their hobbies, reconnect with friends, and work on projects that give them fulfillment.
Dr. John Gray in Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus elaborates more on this. Dr. Gray says that men tend to go into their “caves” when they have a problem to solve. This time alone helps him to process his thoughts better and also allows him to breathe.
Thus, a man can feel suffocated when he is denied of this “space” or when his partner displays a pathological jealousy because of it.
Without doubt, a man will deeply appreciate and cherish a woman who can trust him enough to give him this space. Letting a man have his “alone time” can help to strengthen the relationship.
However, the truth is that both men and women need time alone once in a while. This allows the couple to remember and rediscover who they are outside of their relationship. It can also help them keep a balance and avail them a chance to miss each other.
Having said that, finding a middle ground can often be difficult. Couples need to develop skills to help them find the perfect balance between their closeness and separateness.
4. Honest Communication
Lasting loving relationships are built on strong personal friendships. Real friendship requires you being connected with the other person on all possible levels. This can range from emotional connection to intellectual connection or any other level.
The goal is to achieve a sense of connectedness on all levels that allows you to openly relate with each other on all these levels. Effective communication therefore occurs at different levels,
What men want is an atmosphere where they can openly discuss their work, goals, dreams, and be themselves with their partner.
Part of experiencing great communication in a relationship is both partners being free to express themselves without fear of criticism. Communicating in an honest manner helps to cement the bonds in a relationship.
A relationship grows and becomes stronger when couples can openly communicate and do things together. Thus, a man appreciates when a woman can honestly communicate her needs to him in an empathic way.
However, it’s important to remember that men and women communicate differently. Men generally reason and communicate in a logical way while women do this largely with their emotions involved. Bridging this gap is important to achieve success in communication with each other.
What men want is for women to give them some guidance, to spell things out a little clearer, and exemplify how they would like to be communicated back to.
This will help women to improve in their method of direct communication with men which most men prefer. This also helps to avoid making assumptions about situations in the relationship.
Some points to note about communicating with men:
- A lot of women keep things to themselves as they don’t want to “rock the boat” or simply because of fear. For some other women, they make plans involving their man without keeping him in the loop.
Whichever the case might be, nobody likes being given the silent treatment or left to guess things for themselves. Men don’t like being left in the dark particularly about what is going on around them.
- It’s also important for women to understand when a man is in the mood to have “the talk“. So it’s necessary to check in with him to see if he’s up for it or if he is busy. If the time isn’t right, don’t push it! Your best option would be to reschedule it.
- Men don’t generally like women who always keep silent and this is significant as it’s often a very alarming signal. People in a healthy relationship shouldn’t be afraid to communicate with each other in an open and honest manner.
- It’s a well-known fact that most men don’t like talking about their feelings. A woman would do well to reassuringly let her man know that she’s always there for him if he ever needs a listening ear.
- Given the above, it’s important to keep in mind that listening is a vital part of the art of communication. Men like attention when talking and hate interruptions . Thus, a woman who can empathically listen to him will find an easy way to his heart.
Part of what men want in a relationship is a strong sense of attraction toward their partner. Attraction is not only about looks but also has a lot to do with an individual’s overall attitude.
In general, men are more attracted to women who are relaxed and exude an air of confidence. Women who are simply themselves, are having fun with their lives, and who let things happen naturally are very attractive to men.
What men want is to always be enchanted by their beloved. Thus, a good sense of humor and being a bit unpredictable can help keep a man’s attraction to his woman.
Also, a woman should plan activities or create opportunities that will open her and her man to new experiences. Such experiences can easily add a lot of spice to their relationship.
For instance, instead of always watching movies indoors, go for a bike ride together or have a picnic at the lakeside on weekends.
However, appearing too desperate to win a man’s love or being overly needy and demanding can greatly turn him off. Also, engaging in unnecessary mind games too often can make a man to easily lose his attraction to you.
Another huge attraction killer is negativity. A negative attitude towards life saps your relationship of the vital positive energy it needs to thrive. Having a positive outlook on life won’t only help keep your man attracted to you but also strengthen your relationship.
6. Men Want Friendship and Companionship
When a man gets into a relationship with a woman, it is often with the notion of her becoming a part of his life – a companion. Companionship is synonymous with friendship.
Becoming good companions requires a lot of effort from both parties involved. Having new experiences or spending a lot of time together is the only way to readily achieve this.
What men want is a woman who from the depth of their heart they can truly call their “best friend“. They want this friend to be someone who will not take them for granted, but is instead mindful of how they talk to their man.
They also desire that this friend be someone who will be willing to go out of their way to make small sacrifices for them.
As best friends, a man wants to be able to spend quality time with his woman. He also wants to share his interests with her and feel comfortable being around her all the time.
Besides wanting to get truly intimate with his woman, a man also wants her to be someone to build his universe around. In addition, he wants to be able to make the big decisions of his life together with her.
A man wants his woman to be a true friend indeed. One who will listen to him and value his opinions just as he listens to and values hers. Cultivating their friendship together, he hopes they’ll support and build each other up rather than tear each other down.
7. Men Want Emotional Intimacy
On a general note, men do not like appearing emotional. The stereotype that a man should always be macho prevents a lot of men from expressing their true emotions.
Remember, “boys don’t cry.” Men have been taught from childhood to jettison expressing their self-doubts, fears or concerns as well as things like complaining.
Inside, a lot of men die daily as they hide within themselves pains and depressing feelings they seem unable let out because of fear of being ridiculed.
The truth is that, deep down within every man is a repressed desire to be able to connect to someone on a deep emotional level.
And even Superman himself does needs a certain Louis Lane every now and then to talk to about his fears and worries.
These popular beliefs are part of what makes it difficult for most men to readily develop intimacy with their women. Thus, emotional intimacy might take some time to develop with a man in a relationship.
In fact, a true sign of a strong relationship is when a man can open up to his woman on a deep emotional level.
When he cries in front of his woman, a man wants to know that his woman will be there to nurture him in this vulnerable state. If he breaks down before her, he wants to know she won’t be repulsed .
While being her Knight in shining armor, he desires her to be able to see the cracks in that same armor when they are alone. A man wants a woman who will empathically help him to heal the cracks while still loving him for who he is.
Even when he might be forty, the boy inside every man sometimes gets carried away and forgets things. Thus, men often have a penchant for failing to remember to do the little things their spouse might expect of them.
Despite this, men hate being treated like overgrown babies who need to be corrected even over their superficial characteristics.
What men want is to be accepted for who they are and hate it when others try to change them. In particular, men feel really hurt and angered when their wives try to change them.
Most grown men are usually set in their ways. They are not in search of a woman who will act like their mother in their lives again.
Still, men recognize that nobody is perfect and that we all have areas in our lives that need improvements. But a woman wanting a man to be a completely different person in a relationship is simply going off limit.
In a relationship, men want their women to accept them for who they are even when they forget things she’s told them a thousand times.
When a woman accepts a man despite his flaws and still loves him, this encourages him to become someone better. His love for her makes him to want to personally change in order to please and make her happy.
9. Men Want Praise and Affirmation
The child is the King. Just as there’s a child in every man, within every man also lives a King. And this King often wants appreciation for the little things he does for his Queen.
In essence, all men have tender egos that need to be fanned now and then. This is despite the fact that men in general do not need as much verbal compliments as women do.
Also, many men do not like admitting how they feel when complimented by other people. However, giving them one still makes a massive difference – making them feel like Superman – especially when it comes from their woman.
Deep down, what men want is to know through their women’s affirmation how they are doing in general. This can be about their work, sexual prowess, attractiveness, the role they play as partner, or even about themselves.
Thus, from time to time, a man needs to hear compliments about a job well done either at home or at work, how good he looks in a shirt, how caring he is to the family, or even about how much his woman admires his physical features.
Such positive affirmations let him know that he is doing well and becomes an encouragement for him to do better.
It is also important for a woman to praise her man even when he isn’t the main breadwinner in the relationship. She should compliment him for the other contributions – large or small – that he makes to help the relationship thrive.
However, instead of over-doing it, it should come from a genuine heart and also be sporadic.
The fear of the unknown hunts men and women alike. This is obviously why both are attracted to a sense of security especially when in a long-term relationship. Knowing that his woman is in it for the long haul gives a man more confidence to be able to open up to her.
However, relational security is multifaceted as it transcends a man just knowing that his woman won’t leave him. The sort of security a man truly desires ties back into several of the points already highlighted.
Enhancing the security in a relationship requires each partner becoming more trusting of the other. They also need to be more communicative with each other.
It involves things such as a man knowing that his woman loves him just the way he is. This security also entails a man knowing that his woman approves of him and his career.
When a man believes he has a woman who is honest and reliable, it goes a great way to give him a deep sense of security.
A man also wants a woman who will be there for him through the good and bad times in his life. This is one aspect of a relationship that can tremendously help to bolster a sense of security between a man and his woman.
Can You Keep A Secret?
Another fundamental element of security is the ability to keep secrets. What men want is a woman who can be loyal enough to him for him to tell her all his secrets.
A man wants to be able to tell his woman things that no one else knows. To be able to open up to her and yet be himself without the need of pretence. His desire is to be able to tell his woman about his world with the knowledge and confidence that she won’t use whatever he says against him.
Basically, what men want is to once again, like the child inside of them, become vulnerable with their beloved without being afraid. In her warm embrace, he wants to feel secured and have a peace within knowing that he’s where he needs to be – home.
11. Men Want Confident and Independent Women
In general, men are relatively indifferent to women’s socioeconomic status when choosing partners. What men want is to be needed by their women.
However, men don’t want emotional or material desperation to be the reason why they are needed. Men don’t like women who behave as if their entire life revolves around them.
As earlier pointed out, a confident woman is always attractive to a man. What men want in a relationship is a woman who is confident and who has a free, independent personality.
Also, what men want is for their woman to have a happy and exuberant nature to help create an atmosphere for building a rewarding and fulfilling union.
The truth is that a successful and independent woman does not intimidate a great man. A woman who is satisfied with her life, self-sufficient, and confident will not be irritable.
With such high self-esteem, a woman is better able to bring more quality into the relationship with her man. Together, they’re are stronger in overcoming any troubles.
Additionally, while he wants to be supportive of everything she cares about, a man wants his woman to have her own identity. He wants her to really have her own sets of friend, activities, and passions.
This gives a woman additional ways to express herself and experience further interdependence. When she is personally strong, a woman becomes a reliable back-up in her relationship. Together, they are both stronger!
Despite the above list of what men want in a relationship, we should not lose sight of the fact that a relationship is a two-way street. It takes two to tango!
This list is in no way conclusive. However, it does serve as a good checklist for what “most” men actually desire from a lady in a long-term relationship. Men really do appreciate a woman who respects and supports them.
The success of any long-term relationship is largely a function of effective communication between the partners. With good communication and compromise, any relationship has the foundation it needs to thrive.
The bottom line is that both partners want a relationship that is fulfilling and are willing to work towards achieving same.