Last modified on May 18th, 2020
There are many reasons one can posit for why couples cheat on themselves in their relationships. Categorically speaking, an affair is mostly just an external sign or symptom of an internal desire for change. Something in the person’s life or the relationship is causing some form of dissatisfaction, and the affairs engaged in are just triggers for the change they anticipate.
However, relationship experts are today of the opinion that affairs are not only just about sex but that any intimate activity between two people that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair. It is based on this premise that M. Gary Neuman, a Miami Beach psychologist, insists that “We can’t fool ourselves into believing that we can have intimate relationships at work and still have a great relationship at home”.While most of the reasons adduced for why men and women cheat still holds true, both cheat for some reasons which cuts across the gender divide and includes some of the hereunder listed reasons for why spouses cheat.
Lack of Communication
No meaningful relationship can survive without efficient communication between the parties involved. Sometimes couples lack the communication skills necessary to voice how they feel about certain issues in their relationship. These needs may even be fundamental issue relating to sex, finance, and amount of time spent at home, down to issues that might be considered trivial.When a partner feels that something is missing in the relationship and is unable to communicate such to his/her significant other, then there is a high tendency of it leading to dishonesty and cheating.
Lack of Sexual Intimacy
Sex is an integral part of any marriage or mutually exclusive relationship. The connection created between couples during sex creates a deeper connection between them that extends to all areas of their lives. If the intimacy between the couples has been decreased owing to difficulties of maintaining their busy schedules, managing work and family, and the routine of household chores, then the relationship is bound to suffer.However tight your schedule might be and how little time you have left at your disposal, you should realise that it is important to make intimacy a top priority in your relationship even if that would require you scheduling time for it.
Lack of Appreciation and Affirmation
When one of the partners in a relationship feels that they or their efforts are not being appreciated, wanted or valued by their significant other, resentment may start setting into the relationship and could lead to bigger problems like cheating.
Unrealistic Ideas and Expectations
Most couples get into relationships with high expectations of each other but ironically cannot fully define what these expectations they have of their partners are, let alone express these to their partners.The odds of there being an affair in a relationship are drastically increased when one spouse (often times the woman) have irrational ideas of what love is and spends their time looking for that ideal lover but never finding it in their partners. While everything may appear okay at the beginning of the relationship, the irrational partner will quickly become disillusioned and still want to find their ideal lover and thus likely to cheat easily.No matter how strong the vibe a relationship started on, it needs proper care and attention for it to be able to weather the storms that lie ahead of it. Relationships generally take a lot of concerted effort on the part of both partners for them to work. However, it doesn’t have to be that difficult as all that is required is a conscious effort and readiness from both parties to put in their best to see to its success.
Difficult Lifestyle Changes
Major changes in the lifestyle of a couple could have an adverse effect on their relationship if not handled properly. These changes may include a new job with long hours and new stressful responsibilities; relocation to a new city; the birth of a new child or death of a friend/family member; or even an unforeseen financial problem.Under such circumstances, a lot adjustment has to be made in the marriage to accommodate these changes. If the lines of communication are broken during such times, there is the likelihood of one or both partner engaging in an affair.
Lack of Happiness
While there is nothing like a perfectly happy couple, once one has found someone who they trust and are happy with, cheating will naturally not cross their mind as they can possibly not imagine hurting their spouse.Retrospectively, while most online infidelity experts are more concerned about how to catch a cheating partner in the act, it would be better investing such time and energy in trying to find out the details of what went wrong in the relationship and how best to go about fixing them.According to the Institute for American Values, “almost 8 out of 10 couples who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.” Therefore, we can happily conclude that if couples can take the extra pain and get over the affairs that have put their relationships in dire straits, that their relationships have a very strong chance of being more fulfilling than it was even before the affairs.